After the Groundbreaking 1989 Batman, the bar was set high for the (up to that point) mostly trivialized Superhero Genre, Batman Returns was another solid outing (albeit much darker) and even Batman Forever had some things going for it, but showed signs of the complete disaster to come.
Perhaps I’m being too hard on this film, I mean it really cant be that bad can it?…..
Considering the film opens with Gratuitous rubber Crotch, Butt, and Bat-Nipple shots should have the viewer worrying just a tad.
But then the real problems begin. This film is a non-stop barrage of un-funny jokes, PUNS galore, and ludicrous action scenes.
Dont worry the heroes look bad ass at least right?!
Some of the Crackling dialogue in this film is so absurd you honestly wonder if it was written by a 6 year old with poor writing skills for his age.
The Cast (Almost all of which I like in other films) were doomed from the start. In a very early scene we see Batman (George Clooney) and Robin (Chris O’Donnell) (Immediately following the bat-nipple montage) bantering about their vehicles. We see the batmobile, then Robin Quips “I want a car,….Chicks dig the car” to which Batman turns to Robin (Because he can’t move his neck at all) and Retorts “This is why Superman works alone”
But the worst offender is Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze. His Puns get so out of control it literally takes over the movie
Here’s a sampling of a few of the (Cough) Best:
Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it’s the chilling sound of your doom
Let’s kick some ice!
The Ice Man cometh!
What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!
Tonight, Hell Freezes over
You’re not sending me to the coolers!
Freeze in Hell, Batman!
Now on to the Story. Yes there’s actually a story in this, but it’s just as bad as everything else.
We have Mr. Freeze trying to save his wife, then taking his revenge on Gotham. He inexplicably decides to team up with Poison Ivy (Uma Thurman) Because you know his plan to freeze everything and her plan to kill everyone and overrun the world with plants totally gel together.
Thank GOD for Tom Hardy redeeming the character of Bane because this is what we get here (as Poison Ivy’s Dense henchman)
Throughout the film Batman and Robin are having continuous problems with their bromance that gets compounded when Poison Ivy Makes Robin Fall for her with Plant Pheromones which leads to possibly the most ludicrous scene in the entire film (Which is saying a lot) when Batman & Robin try to outbid each other at a charity date event for Poison Ivy.
Yes! Batman has a Bat Credit Card!
There’s also a Subplot about Alfred’s failing heath, but everyone’s too busy to notice…. that is until his illness magically fits into the story!
Oh and they threw Alicia Silverstone in the film as Batgirl, and I do mean Threw in because her presence in this film is absolutely pointless.
On a Popular Podcast I enjoy Called Hollywood Babble-On Starring Kevin Smith and Ralph Garman, they do a Skit called Exquisite Acting. This Bit basically shows normally good actors that do such out there or over the top acting in a particular scene that it ironically goes all the way around from being Bad to become Exquisite.
Well all i can say about this Train Wreck of a film is that the entire movie start to finish is a truly excellent example of “Exquisite Acting”.
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