Can true love save the day? Well in the 1997 science fiction film The Fifth Element writer/director Luc Besson certainly thought so as that film revealed that love was the key ingredient to saving the universe and now 20 years later with Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Luc Besson once again puts love center stage, if not exactly saving the universe this time out at least the day is saved. Now we must ask ourselves, does the theme work this time out?
The movie opens with one of the best science fiction cinematic moments put to film as we see the International Space Station that over the years has become a place of peace where people of many nations could come to work and explore the future of humanity and during this opening montage the visitors to the station start coming not from just Earth but from the far reaches of space. Mankind is not alone.
Note: Luc Besson really loves those big clunky alien spacesuits.
The President of the World State Federation (Rutger Hauer) explains to us that the ever-expanding space station has reached such a point of weight and mass that it now poses a threat to the Earth and so now named “Alpha Station” it is must be sent off on a deep space mission of peace, and over time it becomes the home of thousands of alien species or as one could say it becomes the city of a thousand planets. The first five minutes of this film perfectly encapsulates our hopes for the future but, sadly, it also raises our expectations for the rest of the film that Luc Besson was unable to meet. The film jumps 400 years further into the future as we are introduced to a beatific seemingly primate alien race who seem in total harmony with their planet, and they also seem to have amazing beaches, but soon this idyllic world is destroyed when it is caught in the crossfires of a massive space battle.
Paradise Lost.
Who could be responsible for such an atrocity you ask? Well if you are well versed in your science fiction analogs you’ll probably assume it’s evil white government men who are behind the wiping out of a primitive indigenous people, and you’d be right. One cannot deny that Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is a gorgeous film but its themes are less than original and covers ground that has been touched by many other science fiction outings, most recently it was well hammered over by James Cameron in his film Avatar. I will give Besson credit for at least giving us a more interesting alien race than what Cameron’s did with his incessantly dull Navi, yet the film does not escape having two truly dull characters such as the titular hero Valerian (Dane DeHaan), who is about as boring as one could get, and though he is teamed up with slightly more interesting Laureline (Cara Delevingne), who is not only Valerian’s partner but also the film’s love interest, and together they create a black hole of charisma.
The lack of on-screen chemistry between these two is truly staggering.
The plot is your standard hero must retrieve space MacGuffin while various nefarious dark forces will try and stop him. Valerian and Laureline will run and shoot their way through various CGI created environments as they bounce between being ordered given to them by the Defence Minister (Herbie Hancock) and Commander Arun Filitt (Clive Owen) who does everything but a twirl a moustache to clue us in that he is the bad guy. Subtlety has never been Luc Besson’s strong suit and none of the film’s characters venture far beyond their two-dimensional natures that are required by the plot.
Stock alien underworld crime boss #3
The hundreds of alien races and cool locations are sadly unable to overcome the fact that the film lacks any sense of urgency (towards the end they throw in the ticking clock but it doesn’t help much) and the pacing is all over the map. The biggest example of this would be when Laureline is captured by a group of nasty aliens, who make her dress up pretty so that they can have her brains for dinner, as it has nothing to do with anything regarding the film’s plot. But just how bad does this sequence fail?
Let’s break it down:
• Laureline is supposed to be Valerian’s partner and a bit of a badass in her own right, but she is captured with ease and just sits around waiting to be rescued.
• Valerian needs a disguise for his rescue plan to work so he visits an exotic bar owned by Jolly the Pimp (Ethan Hawke).
• We next sit through a “striptease” number by a shape-shifting dancer named Bubble who is played by Rihanna.
• Valerian wears the shape-shifter so he can sneak into the alien clubhouse and start lopping of alien heads.
• Bubble is killed during their escape because the filmmakers thought we needed a bit of pathos and killing off this sweet innocent character would be the best way to achieve that.
What was Besson thinking?
This is a twenty-two-minute detour that had no business being in a film that is two hours and twenty minutes long, not only was it a complete waste of screen time but it also undercut the character of Laureline while introducing and killing off one of the few other interesting ones the film provided. This kind of scene may have worked great if you were reading it in an issue of a comic book, and this film is based on the French comic Valérian and Laureline, but in a movie, it just derails any momentum you had achieved up to that point.
Rihanna is given a character that deserved a better movie.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets has space battles, colourful villains and a frenetic chase through the underbelly of an amazing space station but at no point did I ever find myself fully invested. There was a lot of potential on screen, and every penny of the $180 million dollar budget is clearly on display, but when the film tries to hang itself on the emotional core of Valerian and Laureline’s relationship it fails and it fails hard. If you want to see one of the best-looking science fiction films out there this one is worth a look but if you are hoping for a solid story and good characters this is a hard film to recommend. True love may have saved the day but it didn’t quite save the movie.
“I can’t be this film’s white saviour if you guys are even whiter than I am.”
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)
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Movie Rank - 6/106/10
Summary
The casting Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne as our two young heroes was just one of many mistakes Luc Besson made in his science fiction epic Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, and though he plans on making a sequel if the fans demand it one shouldn’t hold your breath.
I don’t think the casting was the problem. I think it was the writing. Valerian is mildly chauvinistic in the books. In the movie he’s a prick, and he’s written and edited as such. There’s no indication why these two would be together, and it makes perfect sense for her to keep him at a distance. No one could be substituted into those shots with those lines and make it work. Besson is a creep and was the wrong person to adapt this material. Laureline was undercut because Besson doesn’t respect women, and doesn’t respect the material. In the comics, when Valerian is being a pig, that’s when Laureline shows him up. Laureline is objectified in this movie in a way she never is in the comics, and yet somehow manages to be Besson’s least objectified female protagonist. THIS IS THE BEST HE CAN DO.
I also don’t think this movie was ever going to make it. Anything it had that was special in a mass-audience grabbing was preempted by Star Wars. It was never going to feel fresh and original because it’s been homaged to death. If Neuromancer were to be adapted today, it would flop for the same reasons. There was a time to do it but that time has passed.