Hobbs & Shaw (2019) – Review

The Fast and the Furious franchise departed the whole “Street Racing” element at around the fifth film, and since then they’ve focused mostly on crazy heists with high-octane action sequences — each one trying to outdo the previous entry — and then with The Fate of the Furious, any semblance of reality was gleefully dispatched. Now, with the release of Hobbs & Shaw, it’s clear that the producers have fully embraced the absurdity of it all and have put forth an entry that is one part James Bond flick and two parts comic book movie.

The plot to Hobbs & Shaw is fairly simple: an evil organization called Eteon have plans to wipe out a large portion of the world’s population — insert some idiotic rhetoric about removing the weak to save the planet — and to do this they need to recover a programmable virus, but MI6 agent Hattie Shaw (Vanessa Kirby) injects the virus into herself before Eteon’s cybernetically augmented operative Brixton (Idris Elba) could get his evil clutches on it. Unfortunately for Hattie, Eteon is one of those magical tech organization that are able to frame anyone they like, and she is soon on the run for her life and the lives of countless millions. Now, if that sounds like your standard James Bond plot, you aren’t alone in thinking this, as the only thing missing from this film to make it a true Bond entry, is the reveal that Brixton’s boss is actually Blofeld — the villains even have a super high-tech facility that is one step from being a volcano lair — and Brixton himself fits the bill as your basic Bond henchman. The only difference between Idris Elba’s Brixton and the likes of Oddjob and Jaws is that neither Richard Kiel nor Harold Sakata made the cover of People’s “Sexiest Man Alive” issue.

He gives The Rock a run for his money in the smoldering department.

Of course, in this film, James Bond is not sent in to save the day — maybe we will get that crossover in the future when the Fast and the Furious franchise remakes Moonraker — instead we have the illustrious duo of Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) and Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham), who spend so much screen-time trash-talking each other that I’d often forget what the plot was about as they incessantly and endlessly tried to one-up each other. This is an unlikely pairing, to say the least, and the producers try their best to make us forget that Deckard was once a cold-blooded murderer, but one cannot deny that Johnson and Statham have great screen chemistry — certainly more than what Johnson has with Vanessa Kirby — and when the action sequences explode across the screen, there is much fun to be had with this outing, that you might find yourself okay with scenes that veer between the simply implausible to the outright cartoonish.

“I’m not ridiculous, he’s ridiculous.”

To say that Idris Elba was underutilized in the role of evil “Black Superman” would be a vast understatement — as could be said by anyone who has seen even one episode of him on The Wire — but it’s all made worse by him being set-up as an unbeatable foe for the bulk of the movie (super strength, super speed, computer-enhanced tactical fighting skills). That is, until our heroes realize that they outnumber him two to one. Somehow, this never occurs to them until the final reel. During this final confrontation, I kept waiting for Johnson and Statham to cry out “Wonder Twin Powers, activate! Form of a plot contrivance!”

Hobbs & Shaw falls into the trap of pitting our heroes against an insurmountable amount of enemies that must have either forgotten they have guns on them or are recent graduates of the Stormtrooper academy of missing things if our heroes are going to survive. In this film, Hobbs and Shaw have something even better than Kevlar, and that would be “Plot Armor,” as they are not only invincible in battle, but can’t be harmed in any way — Hobbs grabs hold of a steel cable with his bare hand, slides down it several stories, and doesn’t even get a blister — and it’s this kind of thing that removes any sense of tension or suspense. It’s one thing to know our heroes are going to win out in the end, but it’s another to realize they’re not even going to get a paper cut.

“Relax, I read to the end of the script, we’re gonna be fine.”

Stray Observations:

• Hobbs having the hots for Shaw’s sister is an obvious lift of the action hero dynamic from Tango and Cash.
• The pointless Kevin Hart cameo reeked of “Doing a friend a favour.”
• It’s alluded that Shaw is also Handsome Rob from the Italian Job remake. Nice.
• The villains repeatedly state that they need Hattie alive, but the amount of times they almost kill her is staggering.
• Brixton is told by his superiors to try and “turn” Hobbs and Shaw, which has to be one of the stupidest excuses for the bad guys to not straight up kill the heroes.
• Hobbs is able to hold a helicopter in place as if he’s Captain America, which proves this movie is basically a knock-off Marvel flick.
• Apparently, a helicopter can have problems lifting one vehicle, but if Idris Elba is piloting it, it can suddenly lift several.
• At no point do the villains ask their scientist to manufacture a second batch of the virus, and even if he’d refused, are we supposed to believe that Eteon didn’t have backup copies of all his work? He was in their employ after all.
• The third act includes an A-Team montage of setting up gear and weapons for the big fight. “I love it when a plan comes together.”
• High-tech handguns that can be electronically authorized is one thing — so your enemies can’t just use one of your own guns against you — but setting up your helicopter gunship the same way is a bit moronic.
• Hobbs ditches his bulletproof Kevlar outfit so that he can be bare-chested in Samoan attire for the big finale, because?

Something for the ladies.

I will admit to enjoying myself throughout most of Hobbs & Shaw’s 135-minute run-time; the two leads are insanely likable, but I would have probably enjoyed it a helluva lot more if it had ended thirty minutes sooner. The film’s last act was completely unnecessary and moved the film from being an over-the-top silly action film to becoming a tired over-the-top silly action film. There are only so many ludicrous CGI-enhanced action moments one can take before your personal bullshit meter breaks, and you check out of the movie, and Hobbs & Shaw left that point in the dust early on. Side Note: Please, tell the writers to stop beating us over the head with how important “Family” is to these people. Is this an action franchise or a Hallmark movie?

As a globetrotting adventure film, Hobbs & Shaw will certainly entertain their fan base, but with the amount of money spent on these mammoth productions, not to mention all the talent in front and behind the camera, I would love to see a little more time put into assembling a script that doesn’t have one’s eyes rolling at every turn. Hobbs & Shaw is a fun, if insanely silly movie, one that fits the bill as an “Adrenaline-Fueled Thrill-Ride.” Just don’t expect more than that.