Magic Crystal (1986) – Review

A lot of weird movies came out of the 80s but a martial arts action comedy featuring Cynthia Rothrock and a glowing green space rock has to be one of the weirder entries. Today we will be looking at the Magic Crystal, a film that take us on journey from Hong Kong to Greece and possibly outer space.

The rather bizarre plot of Magic Crystal kicks off when mercenary Andy Lo, known as the “Eagle Hunter” (Andy Lau) receives a letter from his archaeologist friend, Shum Kwan (Philip Ko), who wants help with a mysterious artifact he discovered in Greece because nefarious forces are after it. This, of course, sounds like a perfect adventure to bring seven-year-old nephew Pin Pin (Siu Ban-ban) so along with his partner Snooker (Wong Jing), the film’s primary comedic relief character, they head off to Greece just in time to be ambushed and chased down by KGB thugs posing as Interpol agents, lucky for them, actual Interpol agents arrive, Cindy Morgan (Cynthia Rothrock) and Billy (Max Mok) who give chase and beat up the thugs while Shum escapes.

This is my kind of Interpol agent.

Afterwards, Cindy and her partner reveal to Andy that they know of his identity as the Eagle Hunter and inform him of Shum’s situation of being hunted by the notorious KGB agent Karov (Richard Norton), unfortunately, Karov gets to Shum first but only after the archaeologist managed to hide his prized “artifact” inside a piece of luggage that ends up in the hands of the precocious seven-year-old. Back in Hong Kong things get even more complicated. Shum’s younger sister, Winnie (Sharla Cheung), is now being hunted by Karov’s thugs and she and Andy are ambushed at her gym. Sadly, this is where we pick up another useless character in the form of Lo Sai (Natalis Chan), an aggressive suitor of Winnie and the film’s completely unnecessary second comedic relief character. Lucky for us he’s dispatched to a nut house before the final act. But I must ask the questions “Why does everyone want this artifact?” and “Why does it take a keen interest in a little boy?”

Stranger Danger!

So, what exactly is this mysterious artifact? Turns out that this magical jade crystal is a sentient being and it befriends Pin Pin – which is nice – and it not only helps fend off murderous KGB thugs but also takes care of school bullies. You have to respect a multi-purpose alien McGuffin. What follows is a lot of encounters between Andy and his friends with Karov’s army of goons, which leads to some great fight sequences, until eventually, everyone ends back in Greece where both friends and foes find themselves wandering around a booby-trapped underground temple where it is finally revealed that the “Magic Crystal” is an alien device/pet that belongs to an intergalactic space traveller who crashed landed on Earth thousands of years ago and then worshipped as a god.

This is a Chariot of the Gods?

Stray Observations:

• We have a movie with a glowing green space rock but there is no mention of it being lethal to Superman. Seems like a missed opportunity to me.
• In a martial arts comedy, there is almost always going to be a fat comic relief character but unless it’s Sammo Hung there’s good chance it’s not going to be funny.
• The Magic Crystal punishes Lo Sai for his “evil” and perverted attempts to peep at Winnie while she undresses, but then later gives him ESP powers so that he can control others for his own amusement. I’m starting to wonder who the actual villain of this movie is.
• We first see Agent Cindy Morgan using a three-section staff, also known as the coiling dragon staff, which seems to me as a rather odd choice of weaponry for an Interpol agent.
• The film concludes with the Russian villain trying to claim the power of an alien artifact but is, instead, destroyed by it. Wait a minute, that sounds a lot like the ending of Indiana Jones and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Did George Lucas rip off Magical Crystal for his film?

I’ll say this, Crystal Skull could have used some kung fu action sequences.

Directed by Wong Jing, Magic Crystal is a quintessential 80s Hong Kong film that serves up a quirky blend of martial arts action, supernatural intrigue, and broad comedy. At its heart we have Cynthia Rothrock, the queen of 80s martial arts films, whose tough-as-nails agent is a treat to watch and her fight scenes are nothing short of spectacular, showcasing her incredible skills and adding an extra layer of excitement to the film. On the other hand, we have Richard Norton whose portrayal of the villain is a mixed bag and while his exaggerated performance adds to the film’s campy feel, it also detracts from the sense of danger his character is supposed to embody. I should point out that his role here is even goofier than his villainous turn in Gymkata and that’s saying something.

He’s slightly scarier than Boris Badenov.

The most glaring issue with Magic Crystal is its inconsistent tone as the film oscillates between serious action and broad comedy, often within the same scene. The comedic elements, while occasionally amusing, frequently feel out of place and undermine the film’s more dramatic moments, and as for the plot…well, what ever this thing passes off as a plot, it is an undeniably convoluted mess, juggling multiple subplots and a host of characters, most of which are annoying, useless or both. The constant shifts in tone—from intense fight scenes to slapstick humour—may be jarring for some, but they also contribute to the film’s unique identity. As for the film’s title character, the special effects to create the “Magic Crystal” are less than convincing – it looks like a glowing piece of solidified snot – and while the film’s practical effects are decent everything else just screams 80s cheese.

Don’t let that alien penis touch that kid!

It’s in the action sequences where Magic Crystal truly excels, the film features a series of high-octane martial arts battles, showcasing the talents of Andy Lau, Cynthia Rothrock, and Richard Norton. The action sequences are a blend of hand-to-hand combat, acrobatics, and innovative use of the environment. One of the standout scenes involves a showdown in a temple filled with booby traps, where the protagonists must outsmart and outfight Karov’s forces. Seeing Cynthia Rothrock facing off against Richard Norton is always a treat and their fights in this outing almost make up for the idiotic subplot of a stupid kid and his space rock. I should also note that this is one of those martial arts films where everyone knows kung fu, from an archaeologist to a kid’s mother, everyone is a badass.

The ultimate Tiger Mom.

Wong Jing’s Magic Crystal is a film that knows exactly what it is – a fun, energetic, and utterly entertaining martial arts comedy – it should be noted that I’m using the word “comedy” in its broadest sense – and it’s the kind of movie that makes you want to grab a bowl of popcorn, sit back, and enjoy laughing at its bizarreness with a group of like-minded friends. So, if you’re in the mood for a blast from the past with a healthy dose of action and laughs, Magic Crystal is definitely worth a watch.