King Kong Vs. Godzilla (1962) – Review

“There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” and so begins the story of King Kong Vs. Godzilla, and you know you’re off to a good start when a film about two giant monsters brawling starts with a quote from Shakespeare, and it certainly makes for an interesting follow up to Godzilla Raids Again.  In that film our title monster had his first encounter with another giant beast, the mighty Anguirus who got his spiky ass kicked, but to continue this new fighting tradition Godzilla would now face off against a creature that was famous long before Godzilla had even been a twinkle in the eyes of the heads of Toho Studios.

Now King Kong is my all-time favourite movie monster, with only the Frankenstein’s monster getting anywhere close on the empathy meter, good ole Boris Karloff never took on a T-Rex so he loses major points for that, so as a kid when I came across a film pitting my favourite monster up against Godzilla I just had to check it out. Of course, a question that may have popped into the head of even the most casual monster fan would be, “Just how do you choreograph a fight between a 40-foot ape and a 160-foot atomic fire-breathing dinosaur?”

“Just hug it out, boys.”

Well in 1962 Toho Studios came up with a simple solution to that one, make Kong bigger, and say goodbye to the brilliant stop-motion animation of Willis O’Brien, as in the 1961 film Konga this version of Kong is depicted by a guy in a rubber suit. Now the best way to enjoy this film is to divorce yourself from the idea that it is in any way connected to the 1933 King Kong, there no reference made to when this film takes place and unless we are supposed to believe Kong somehow survived the fall from the Empire State Building then this film must take place in an elseworld, one inhabited by the likes of Rodan and Mothra.

It also includes possibly the worst ape costume in film history.

The film starts with the announcement that a berry called soma has been discovered on Farou Island and it is some kind of chemotherapy wonder narcotic that has no addictive side effects. The natives of the island don’t want to part with this wonder-berry as they use it to placate the giant god of the island, who allegedly got big from eating the berries, and I must say giving a giant ape narcotics is probably more effective in keeping the beast happy than sacrificing tiny young women would be.

“Could somebody go out and pick me up some Doritos?”

Needing better publicity the pharmaceutical company decides that while they’re on the island stealing berries they might as well bag a monster to help with their public image.  What’s really scary is this is almost like what happens in the 1976 King Kong only its oil instead of medicine. Sad to think of Dino De Laurentiss ripping of Japanese monster films for his ideas.  Meanwhile, an atomic submarine, while investigating a glowing radioactive iceberg, idiotically plow right into the berg, and releases Godzilla who had apparently been trapped inside since the end of Godzilla Raids Again (Note: That movie actually ended with him being buried in ice on a desolate frozen island and not inside an iceberg, but I guess that’s splitting continuity hairs.)  The newly awakened Godzilla, of course, heads straight for Japan and the question of “Who would win a fight between these titans?” is soon hotly debated.

“Godzilla’s pea brain has no chance against Kong.”

The army, which proved to be not all that effective in previous encounters with Godzilla, is mobilized. They are of course ineffective this time as well as Godzilla melts the tanks, and stomps all who stand in his way. I’d just like to see one Godzilla film where the head of the military just tells his superiors to go to hell, instead of constantly sending his men to their doom.

Special Note: No references are made to any previous Godzilla film, in fact, it seems like the scientist interviewed here, who thinks Godzilla is a cross between a T-Rex and a Stegosaurus, believes that the monster has been frozen in the ice for millions of years.

The expedition to Farou Island has its agenda changed from publicity stunt seeking to egomania driven stupidity. The chairman of the pharmaceutical company enraged by all the news coverage of Godzilla declares he wants his own monster. So the company sends possibly the lamest outfitted expedition (two guys and one of them is the comic relief) in the history of exploration, to bring back this legendary god. While searching for the Kong they encounter a giant octopus (was amazed to see an actual real octopus used here, and quite surprised at how well it moved on land) which has come into the village to get some of the great soma berry juice. Hearing his supply of juice is in danger Kong makes a grand entrance, and immediately attacks the octopus.

“Is someone trying to steal my stash?”

For those of you who were wondering what a man in an ape suit would like wrestling an octopus…well, you’re in for a treat. It’s a quick battle and after driving the sea creature away with a few well-thrown boulders Kong decides it’s time to get hammered. He starts picking up and drinking jar after jar of soma until he passes out in a drunken stupor. (Kong’s behaviour reminded me a lot of the “King Homer” segment of The Simpsons: Tree House of Horror). While sleeping it off Kong is quickly bundled off onto a giant raft and towed back to Japan. The Japanese government, not too keen on the idea of a second monster roaming their countryside, has the navy intercepts the boat towing Kong, and insists they return him to Farou Island. Then things go from bad to worse as Kong awakes, not in the best of moods, and starts to break free of the raft. As a precaution, explosives were placed on the raft, but when detonated all they seem to do is free Kong a little faster. Kong then proceeds to head on an intercept course for the rampaging Godzilla, the reason for this is that Kong and Godzilla are apparently natural enemies.  This is all explained by a scientist who keeps appearing throughout the film making outrages and unsubstantiated claims.  Even though Kong can somehow sense where Godzilla is it’s almost an hour into the movie before we get the promised combat, and after all that wait the fight is a bit of a letdown. Kong is reduced to throwing a few boulders at Godzilla, who intern ignites the forest around the giant ape with his atomic breath, and causing Kong to run away. I’m guessing the makers of the film realized they had a bit of a problem pitting a fire-breathing dinosaur against a creature covered in hair, and making it seem like much of a fight.

Though they do make lovely dance partners.

With Kong on the run Godzilla continues his destructive rampage, while the military works on plans to stop him, a massive pit is constructed and filled with dynamite and poison gas. Driven into the pit by rivers set aflame by gallons of gasoline the king of the lizards falls into the pit and the charges are set off. Does anybody out there think that had any effect on Godzilla? Didn’t think so. The second line of defence consisting of high tension wires containing one million volts is set up as a final blockade. Scientist states that while Godzilla may shy away from electricity Kong actually grows stronger high voltage (Don’t ask me how they figured that one out). The electrical blockade does prove effective in turning away Godzilla, but then quickly news comes that Kong has entered Tokyo. After tearing through the high tension wires, chomping on the cables, and then absorbing the energy, Kong attacks a train, and for no reason that I can see grabs a lone Japanese woman, and walks off with her. Well, there actually is a good reason, for the army a notified that Kong is carrying a girl and so they hold their fire (apparently hostage-taking is something he learned in the jungle). Kong proceeds to climb a building and it is truly is a sight to see, a 160-foot ape standing atop a 100-foot building. A brilliant plan is devised, involving a rocket and dropping soma juice on to Kong in the hopes it will put him to sleep. The plan works flawlessly, Kong falls asleep, the girl is rescued, and all seems right with the world…oh wait Godzilla is about to break through the blockade. So they decide to airlift Kong with huge helium-filled balloons, and drop him in the path of Godzilla, with the hopes that they will destroy each other.

Come morning the helicopters towing the floating Kong spot Godzilla, drop the giant ape just as he awakes, and then sit back to watch the fireworks. The following fight resembles more of a drunken brawl than the battle between titans. Kong seems reduced to throwing boulders and tugging on Godzilla’s tail, while Godzilla’s atomic breath only seems capable of singeing Kong’s fur. Then Kong brains himself while doing a silly somersault, and then Godzilla proceeds to bury the dazed ape under rocks. Just when things look really bad for a Kong an electrical storm arrives, he is hit by lightning and is re-energized. With “shocking” grasps, punches, and a few cool judo moves Kong starts to kick the crap out of Godzilla. The two behemoths rage across the countryside destroying everything in their path, until they both tumble off a cliff into the sea, and disappear beneath the waves. There is a brief cataclysmic earthquake, that serves no purpose that I could discern, and then Kong appears swimming back home…apparently the victor. Though just as the last credit shows we hear the trademark Godzilla roar.  This may not be the greatest of a kaiju film, but the completely idiotic dialogue and goofy premise make this a very enjoyable ninety minutes.

“Come back Kong, come back!”