We all get it. We all know it’s true! So here is my list of 10 things only a gamer girl will understand:
1) The shock and awe of your gender:
We have all met them in online matches – the moment you pipe up to save your teammate from certain death and the octive of your voice trickles across the party chat – BAM. That guy. “Heyyyy It’s a girl! Where are you from? How old are you?” Yes, because we logged to this ranked deathmatch secretly we are here hoping you would swipe right.
2) The lack of belief you could possibly be buying a game for yourself:
Standing in line for midnight releases of the newest games or picking up your pre-order in store, it can’t possibly be for you! “Are you buying this for your boyfriend/brother/husband/child” is the most commonly asked question when I am standing around in a lineup at my local games store. Some releases are better than others, but as a general rule the population of women at these events is about 5% of the crowd and I’m pretty sure each and every single woman is looked at in awe while the on-lookers wonder which lucky man in their life is receiving this lovely gift.
3) The disappointment of your matchmaking partners:
Lobby renders into lists of blue and red and they can’t believe their eyes – GASP – A GIRL ON OUR TEAM? Clearly this means that she will die a LOT and get few kills. Totally ruin your K/D ratio and any hopes of ranking up, right? Inevitably, one brave/stupid soul will utter the words, “Ugh, man! There is a girl on our team!” Get real, fellahs. I have yet to meet any man who can take me 1 on 1 in a halo deathmatch and leave with his manhood intact.
4) The assumption that we are blindly led by only our hearts:
With the RPG trends the way they are, there are a lot of titles these days in which you have the option of romancing, or just plain screwing another character. Gay, Straight, Bi and cross-species it all goes in video games today. So why is it that, one of the first questions people ask me when talking about Dragon Age: Inquisition is “So who did you romance?!” (And why is nobody surprised when I say Cullen?) Yes, we are girls and I’m sure there are a lot of us who relish the idea of getting some touchy mushy feels with our bloodshed but it isn’t actually a requirement for everyone.
5) The never-ending trivia:
Pretty much immediately after someone new learns that I am a gamer, I am put through a quiz. Popular questions are “So what are you playing now?“, “what types of games do you like?” and eventually the inquisitive conversation turns to it’s real objective: determining whether or not you are a REAL gamer. The strange need to “bust” us on being fake gamers is actually kind of sad. Yes, I do in fact know the land in Fable is called Albion, “FUS DOH RAH” will mess you up, and Ryncol can strip an engine and make you go blind. Now, kindly fuck off.
6) The stranger friend requests:
I don’t think this needs much explanation but, tons of strangers sending you friend requests simply because you are a girl. Probably the ones that were trash-talking you for being a girl earlier.
7) The assumption that we only play “girly” games:
No, dbag. Some of us actually prefer hardcore games in which killing all of the things is your main objective. Some of us like questing. Some like racing and even sports games. Mario Party, The Sims, Singstar and other varieties of “girl-friendly” games are actually widely enjoyed by men, too.
8) dry hump
Whether it be WoW, Destiny or Halo – there will ALWAYS be “that guy” who will invade your personal space. Teabagging, dance parties within your personal bubble and offers for sex are just a few examples from the above-listed titles but it happens allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of the time. Just because your Warlock’s pixels are practically inside of time doesn’t mean you just scored, bro. It means I have gotten up to make some hot wings and get another beer and you took advantage of my absence.
9) Hurting fragile egos:
Now let me preface this by saying I am getting married this year to a wonderful man who has the most amazing ability to be slapped around by his woman in any video game and still somehow love me. HOWEVER, that is most often not the case. Put simply – beating your man at a video game will significantly reduce his ego and make him pout. I have actually had full-blown fights with boyfriends after their lifeless bodies hit the floor from a perfectly timed headshot or uppercut. Apparently, we “cheat” somehow. Yes, we have hacked the game to give ourselves unfair advantages. (You know, like mad skills) You figured it out.
Some women I know actually let their men win just to make them happy. I will never be that woman. I worked damn hard for my brilliance with a battle rifle. Practice makes perfect, honey.
10) Our hatred for other females makes us look bad
You are suited up. Caffeinated. Ready for the battle and suddenly you hear it: THAT girl. You know, the one that everyone figured you were five battles ago. Yes, some idiot got a hold of her boyfriend’s Xbox and decided to “see why he spends soooooooo much time playing this stupid game.” Great. She giggles every time she dies, regularly asks, “how do I reload my gun?” and by the end of the game has told her entire life story to every random stranger-perv on your team. The amount of anger you feel for this is only overshadowed by one thing: You just led the team in kills, and assists and had minimal deaths. You somehow managed to carry your weight, hers and probably another dude’s and pull off an amazing win. Yet, nobody fucking cares. You just proved all of those idiots wrong, totally wrong and nobody cares. Why? Because gamergirll6969 has the most adorable giggle. sigh