There’s a special category of movie that makes you feel slightly embarrassed for every other film that tried and failed to be timeless. Disney’s Beauty and the Beast sits there, arms crossed, quietly judging them. It’s polished, heartfelt, and annoyingly close to perfect for something about a guy who gets turned into a very angry…
Tag: adventure
Masters of the Universe (1987) – Review
1987’s Masters of the Universe is one of those gloriously misguided Cannon Films productions that swings for the stars and lands somewhere behind a California strip mall. It’s a movie that dares to ask, “What if cosmic fantasy looked like a low-budget cop drama?” The result is a fascinating, baffling, occasionally entertaining mess that somehow…
Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985) – Review
Some films feel like they were carefully crafted. Others feel like they were assembled out of spare parts found behind a medieval-themed garage sale. Wizards of the Lost Kingdom proudly belongs to the second category, a scrappy, barely coherent artifact of the low-budget empire run by Roger Corman. It’s cheap, chaotic, and accidentally fascinating in…
The Ice Pirates (1984) – Review
In a galaxy where water is more valuable than gold, and fashion is stuck in a Renaissance festival, one man and his crew of space degenerates will steal ice, battle space herpes, and age 40 years in five minutes. I bring you The Ice Pirates.
Cleopatra (1970) – Review
Let’s get one thing out of the way: Osamu Tezuka’s Cleopatra is not your average historical epic. It’s also not your average anime. It’s… well, it’s what happens when the “God of Manga” watches Barbarella, chugs a vat of sake, and says, “Let’s do Ben-Hur, but horny and in space-time.”