Taken 3 (2014) – Review

The Taken series seems to exist solely to justify an agoraphobic’s fear of going outside. In the first film a young woman goes to Paris and is immediately targeted by sex traffickers. In the second movie the young woman’s family is targeted by the relatives of the now dead sex traffickers while on vacation in Istanbul. But now, in Taken 3, the Russian mob will get you the second you step out of your door. I’m betting to mix it up Taken 4, the film will involve villains who somehow snatch the young woman’s baby while it’s still in vitro.

Taken-3-2015We really hope so.

The plot of Taken 3 is basically a mixture of the second film and The Fugitive. Brian Mills (Liam Neeson) is back and this time he’s dealing with some nasty Russian mobsters who murder his ex-wife Lenore (Famke Janssen) and frame him for the crime. Their reasons for doing this are convoluted and stupid. It seems Lenore’s husband Stuart (Dougray Scott) had some business deal with them and it went poorly, so now they want their money back. No spoiler warning required there, because if any viewer watching this movie did not immediately suspect that the slimy husband is involved, they either have never seen a movie before or are dead.

stuart“I’m not evil, I’m still just bitter about losing the Wolverine role to Hugh Jackman.

A rip-off of The Fugitive would not be complete without the inclusion of the intrepid law enforcement officer who is honor bound to get his man. Tonight the part of Tommy Lee Jones will be played by Forest Whitaker as Inspector Franck Dotzler, whom the writers think having play with a chess piece and some elastic bands is the same as creating a character.

chess pieceHolding this makes me look intelligent, right?

The movie spends most of its time dealing with Brain Mills eluding the police while simultaneously trying to figure the who’s and the why’s behind the death of his wife, and this is where the series loses any credibility it had (if it ever had any), as not only does Brian assault multiple police officers who find him at the scene of the murder, but he later gets into a high speed car chase resulting in multiple major collisions with police and passing motorists, impersonates a police officer, destroys a parking garage, sets off a smoke bomb inside a college campus building, hacks into the police database, kills multiple Russian thugs, and destroys a jet as it taxis down a runway. All this he does, yet once he exposes the true villains behind his wife’s death he walks away Scott Free.

we goodI committed all those crimes while doing your job so you can’t arrest me.

Granted, the action in this movie is fun, if mostly ridiculous, and Liam Neeson can pretty much do this part in his sleep by now, but as whole it’s not a very good movie. The screenwriters throw in stuff like his daughter (Maggie Grace) being pregnant without thinking about making it relevant to the plot, and not just there for the obvious padding out of the films running time. And someone please inform these hacks that insurance companies do not pay off on a death benefit while the murder of said person is still being investigated. I’m not saying your action flick’s script has to be as tightly written as Double Indemnity but it would be nice if it at least made a semblance of sense.

dumb copsPhil, do you find it strange that there is no wire partition between us and this trained killer?”

Lazy, dumb, and full of enough plot holes to sink the Titanic, it’s just embarrassing to see Luc Besson’s name on this when he’s brought us quality films such as La Femme Nikita and Léon: The Professional. So I for one hope this is in fact the last installment of this franchise and that Neeson maybe goes off to make Darkman II next.

take the fucking elephantTake the fucking elephant!”

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