Galaxina (1980) – Review

There once was a glittery artifact from the golden era of late-70s, early-80s sci-fi spoofs — a low-budget, tongue-in-cheek movie that tried to riff on Star Wars, Star Trek, and Barbarella all at once, a film that somehow ended up feeling like a stoned Saturday morning cartoon for adults. This artifact would be, of course, the cult classic Galaxina. 

Written and directed by William Sachs, Galaxina is what happens when you mix sci-fi, bad jokes, and painfully slow pacing, and then forget to add the fun. Supposedly a parody of Star Wars and other space operas, this 1980 misfire feels less like a clever spoof and more like a half-hearted high school play with a bigger budget and no direction. In the distant year of 3008, humanity has apparently survived everything except good fashion sense and sexism. The film follows the misadventures of the crew of the Infinity, a kind of interstellar patrol ship that looks like it was built from leftover parts at a sci-fi yard sale. Not that the crew is much better.

The Wrong Stuff.

The Infinity is manned by your typical ilk found in films of this nature; there’s incompetent captain Cornelius Butt (Avery Schreiber of Doritos fame), his first officer, Sgt. Thor (Stephen Macht), a man more interested in his rowing machine than his job as a space cop, then there is pilot “space-cowboy” Pvt. Robert “Buzz” McHenry (J.D. Hinton), who fills the prequiste Western character that seems so important in older science fiction shows and movies. Then there are the ship’s mechanics, Maurice (Lionel Mark Smith) and Sam (Tad Horino), who aren’t quite up to Harry Dean Stanton or Yaphet Kotto’s standards, but they do try. Finally, we come to the key crew member and title character, Galaxina (Dorothy Stratten), a voluptuous blonde android servant who does most of the actual important stuff aboard the Infinity, such as navigating and basically keeping the crew alive. She will also be forced to dress like a French Maid and wait on the crew, because, why not? And what perilous mission is this stalwart crew sent on? They sent off into deep space to retrieve the “Blue Star,” a legendary, powerful gem that supposedly grants immense power to whoever possesses it but that no one really knows how to use. Standing between them and their goal: a galaxy filled with weirdos, space bikers, spaghetti Western planets, and very little common sense.

“You can tell we’re on an alien world because of the colour filter.”

To prepare for the long journey through deep space, the Infinity’s crew enters a “hibernation” period — a form of cryo-sleep that will last for 27 Earth years. Galaxina, being a robot, remains awake to pilot the ship and maintain its systems during the voyage. During this long period alone, she becomes curious about human emotions, particularly love, after secretly reprogramming herself based on old romantic media stored in the ship’s database. All this is so she can have a relationship with Thor. And why would she want a relationship with a man who has the personality of a trash compactor? Well, other than dreaming of electric sheep, what is an android to do with herself?

I think she needs a self-esteem update.

Upon arrival at Altair One, Galaxina ventures into a town inhabited by alien creatures who consider humans a delicacy, and it’s here we get our Star Wars cantina scene. She encounters Ordric, a masked figure who also seeks the Blue Star and after a High Noon confrontation, Galaxina defeats Ordric and retrieves the gem. However, she is soon captured by a biker gang that worships a deity named “Harley-David-Son” and plans to sacrifice her. Thor and Buzz rescue Galaxina, but Ordric, having survived being gunned down, boards the Infinity and reclaims the Blue Star. But lucky for our heroes, an alien creature, previously birthed by Captain Butt after consuming a mysterious egg, intervenes and defeats Ordric. In the end, the crew discovers that the Blue Star has been eaten by another alien prisoner aboard the ship, rendering their mission futile.

“Would you be a dear and eat the director?”

Stray Observations:

• The film opens with a long text crawl followed by a spaceship slowly passing by the camera. I guess if you are going to rip off Star Wars, it’s best to let the audience in on this fact from the start.
• The pacing is slow and the music is ponderous, even using Strauss’s’ Also sprach Zarathustra from 2001: A Space Odyssey, which is an odd choice for your low-budget space parody.
• Sam is Asian, so he constantly quotes Confucius because racist stereotypes never go out of fashion, not even in the year 3008.
• The laser sound effects were borrowed from 1978’s Battlestar Galactica. I guess if you are going to riff on Star Wars, you may as well borrow from something that was also ripping it off.
• The name of the correctional prison planet was “Altair One,” which is a possible reference to “Altair IV” in Forbidden Planet.
• Every time the Blue Star is mentioned, an invisible heavenly chorus is heard by the characters, in one of the few running gags that kind of works.
• It’s illegal for the crew to fraternize with Galaxina, as it is against the laws of nature and the Federation to have sex with a robot, but then why dress her up as a sexy French maid? 

Does having blue balls improve performance?

Visually, the film punches above its weight. It’s a mix of impressive-for-the-budget miniatures and sets, alongside very obvious cost-cutting choices, the script being the most obvious one. The movie is openly derivative, borrowing visuals and concepts from Star Trek, Star Wars, Alien, and Barbarella, among others, but without much thought going into the jokes. However, Galaxina doesn’t aim to compete with those classics, instead, it uses their familiar imagery to deliver a satire of science fiction tropes, sadly, not all that successfully. Bad writing aside, the film did have some power behind the camera with Dean Cundey as the film’s director of photography, who would go on to work on films like John Carpenter’s The Thing and Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park. He does solid work here under the circumstances. Easily the best production aspect of the film are the spaceship models and miniature sets — while clearly constrained by budget, they show a surprising level of creativity and charm. 

I’ll grant that the Infinity is a cool-looking ship.

Unfortunately, charm will only get you so far. Galaxina tries desperately to be funny, tossing out gags about alien diners, space cults, and intergalactic police departments at random. The problem is, the jokes are so lazy and drawn out, you can see the punchlines coming from galaxies away. Scenes drag on endlessly, characters bumble around in ugly rubber suits, and the special effects, while occasionally charming in a cheap-and-cheesy way, can’t save the fact that nothing actually happens for most of the runtime. The movie also can’t seem to decide what it wants to be: Is it soft sci-fi, a bawdy comedy, a love story, or a series of awkward sight gags strung together? Director William Sachs appears to answer that question with, “Why not all at once, and badly?”

Note: Do not expect exciting space battles. In this universe, combat consists of two ships sitting still while firing back and forth at each other, waiting to see whose shields fail first.

What gives Galaxina an extra layer of emotional complexity, however, is the tragic fate of its star. Dorothy Stratten, whose natural beauty and screen presence elevate the material, was murdered by her estranged husband shortly after the film’s release. Her death casts a long shadow over the movie, transforming what might have been a disposable piece of cinematic fluff into a haunting time capsule. She brought a quiet, graceful presence to the role, and while the film didn’t give her much to do beyond looking stunning and eventually developing feelings, she’s still the film’s best element. Watching Galaxina today, it is difficult not to feel the weight of what might have been, as Stratten shows real promise as a comedic and dramatic actress despite the film’s limitations.

A salute to what may have been.

In retrospect, Galaxina stands more as a fascinating artifact of its time than it does a good science fiction parody — a film that captures the excesses, ambitions, and tragic losses of the early 1980s entertainment world. It is a flawed, uneven, and often baffling dumb outing, but it is also sincere in its oddball intentions. For those willing to meet it on its own bizarre wavelength, Galaxina offers a glimpse into a bygone era of cinematic experimentation, wrapped in silver jumpsuits, neon lights, and bittersweet memories.